I was an hour late to work today and was forced to take a $35 Uber ride to work. The other day, you held me for ransom in the tunnel for 45 minutes (the price being my dignity, if my stress-induced B.O. was any indication), when all I really needed to do was shop and get my eyebrows threaded, dammit! And last week there was something about a "medical emergency" and I had to take a $25 Lyft home instead.
Your trolley cars are adorbs, sure, but you show up late to everything, you never want to stay out past 1am, sometimes your tunnels smell like rancid flesh during low tide, and I wouldn't be surprised to hear if you're harboring over a dozen fatal diseases.
We're so over.
*Just kidding I take it back don't leave me! If you would just make more of an effort to be dependable in this relationship, I promise I'll wear that tight black dress that you like. Yes, that dress.